What a fucking waste of an outfit
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
