Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
