you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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