My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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