did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
They are going to name an STD after you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
