In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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