he looks like a really good dad on facebook
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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