we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
