I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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