I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
