I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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