We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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