Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize