White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
