I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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