He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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