I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
