i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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