I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize