I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
