Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
