There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
