If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
