what day is it and did you see me today?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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