just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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