My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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