I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize