I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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