dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
