Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
