I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
