Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
