I heard we made out
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
