im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
