Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
