You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
