He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
