Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
