I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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