I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Vodka?
Forever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
