thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
pray to the hookup gods
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
