The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
