Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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