i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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