I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
ttyl tear gas
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
