I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
