playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
