so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
