I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
