Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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