i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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