fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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