You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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