No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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