So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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