It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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