Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
