are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Fuck appropriateness.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize