4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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