we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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