It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
