i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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