I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
