you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
