just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
