Your mouth is God's brothel.
Duck Duck Cougar?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize