So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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