the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Drunk is not a location!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
