Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
